Something Heavenly

I thought I'd write tonight about the song that inspired the title of my blog. It is playing at the bottom of my page and has been my ballad that often gets me through the day.
I first heard this song in May, while I was having my breakdown from my medication. I started crying immediately because this song was expressing exactly how I was feeling at that moment. I love the way that it starts out as a sort of prayer to God for healing and rebuilding, as the author feels that his whole life is crashing down around him.
So often during the last two years, I know when I am not trusting God. It feels like the time when I was lost on a hiking trip in Colorado. I too felt like I was climbing aimlessly, not really knowing where I was going, just trying to figure it out on my own. It's during these times that I've tried to make sense of everything on my own. I've let jealousy, anger, disappointment deprive me of my joy, and I've let my own selfish will direct my steps, instead of resting in God's hands.
I have by no means relinquished control. That's part of my problem. I get so worked up when things don't go my way. My sweet husband keeps telling me that although I sometimes feel abandoned, left out, God has yet to show that He's abandoned me. And that though chaos continues, and I feel like I am just getting hit left and right by the waves, God is working.
There have been so many times in the last few months that I've just replayed this song over and over in my car. I sometimes sing it, speak it, scream it. I've used this song many times to give words to what I cannot find words to express.
I don't know what God is up to. That is part of the reason why I began this blog. I have journaled off and on throughout these past two years. I really wanted a place that I, not only could release what builds up in me from day to day, but also have an avenue that others could read and somehow benefit from the work God is continuing in me. I know His story is not done with me. And though I'm not sure what His mighty plan is next for me, when and if I will get to hold my first child in my arms, and I am constantly wondering what He wants me to do when I grow up, I know that He is up to something larger than life in me. Something bigger than me. Something Heavenly.
So please, read the words, listen to the song. I hope that it touches you, and brings you to a closer understanding of what God is actively doing with you.

SOMETHING HEAVENLY
It’s time for healing, time to move on.
It’s time to fix what’s been broken too long.
Time to make right what has been wrong.
Its time to find my way to where I belong.
There’s a wave that’s crashing over me and all I can do is surrender.
Whatever you’re doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, somehow there’s peace.
And it’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see, but I’m giving in to Something Heavenly.
Time for a milestone, time to begin again, reevaluate who I really am.
Am I doing everything to follow your will, or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?
So show me what it is you want from me!
I give everything; I surrender!
To whatever you’re doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace.
And though it’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see, I’m giving in to Something Heavenly.
Time to face up; clean this old house.
Time to breathe in and let everything out that I’ve wanted to say for so many years.
Time to release all my held back tears.
Whatever you’re doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but I believe, you’re up to something bigger than me, larger than life Something Heavenly.
Whatever you’re doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but now I can see, this is something bigger than me, larger than life, Something Heavenly.