Thursday, January 14, 2010

What we heard...

After a lot of praying, talking, researching and praying some more, we've decided to begin the adoption process!
These last three years has definitely been a journey. And after hearing from the specialist that you may not ever be able to conceive your own child, even with the INVITRO process, we had some serious soul searching to do. And I have avoided doing it on here because there was a lot of really personal stuff to work through. But now we've reached a decision and feel really good about it, and comfortable in the direction that God seems to be leading us in. Here's a synopsis of how God led us to this decision:

When I was sixteen I began going to Opportunity Camp, I actually wrote a post about OPP Camp in one of my first blogs, 6/2008. I have no idea how to link things on here, so you're gonna have to look for it if you want to know more. Short story, it's a camp for underprivileged children, most in the CPS system in California. Working with these kids, most foster kids, taught me a lot about our Lord, what it means to be a servant and what the James verse is talking about true religion is ministering to the orphans. Taking Brian there after we got married was also a special experience, but originally, this camp is what inspired me to choose my career working with these children. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life working with these kids, in some capacity or another.

When Brian and I were seriously dating and talking about the goals we had for our lives, two things we talked about were mission work and adoption. We also knew that both of us wanted a big family. Our immediate families consisted of two children, but we agreed that we wanted at least 3 kids, the ultimate goal being 4 or 5. Most importantly though, we agreed that we both wanted to adopt and do mission work at some point in our lives and entered into a marriage where both of those were on the "bucket list".

November, 2006 we began trying for a baby. We had always planned that we would begin trying after 5 years of marriage, but we decided we couldn't wait any longer. We, but especially I, had this image in my head of what our family would look like. We would have a couple of our own, my eyes, his lips, his mom's hair, my mom's smile. Then, we would adopt a couple of children into our family. But after a year of trying, 21 months of working through what I thought was my diagonsis, and 4 months of looking into what our chances were with the real infertility issue, we had to reconsider things. These last 6 months, I have felt that original vision slipping further and further from my fingers. I've always had the feeling that I should prepare myself for never being able to have my own children. Most people told me that I was just jinxing it, or thinking too negatively. Now I see it as God slowly preparing my heart for the plan he had for me.

In January 2009, we received an opportunity to explore a private adoption. It fell through, but with that experience came the realization that we were prepared to take on kids that didn't look like us, or have the same DNA as us, and that we were prepared to do it in a moment's notice, if that were the child God had selected for us. Throughout 2009, we were shown different signs that we now attribute as from God, of people who had gone through the adoption process. Even a foster-to-adopt situation of a stranger living on the street behind us Brian just happened to meet when he took a lost dog back to her neighbor's house. We then realized that we were connected to a couple of families that had experienced fostering-to-adopt. The Varneys knew these people from college, the Gilberts from Granbury are related to one of the couples, and upon going to visit with them, I realized one of the adopted moms was a girl I grew up with going to camp together.

They told us about the organization that they went through, Covenant Kids. This organization is a faith-based foster/adoption agency that gets children from the CPS system in Texas and connects them with Christian parents that are looking to either make a difference or expand their families. From the moment I heard about this, I instantly felt a sense of peace. I can't really describe it, but from that first second with Cami and Sarah in the 3 year old class at church, when Cami was describing her brother and sister-in-law's experience, I just knew this is what we were supposed to do.

Of course, my engineer husband couldn't make a decision based upon feelings alone, so we had to do some serious research, prayer and discussion before both of us came to the conclusion that this not only fits our desire for children, our desire for adoption, but also our desire for a mission. We've since started completing our paperwork and have already started the training, which, Lord willing, we will be finished with at the end of next week. If all goes well, we will be ready for children in a couple of months.

And you might be wondering why I said children. Statistics show that sibling groups are hard to place because most people only want one or two, and babies or toddlers. We are trying to be open to whatever God gives us. We've always wanted a large family and are currently considering being open to a sibling group of 3, though we are trying not to limit God.

The last few months have been spent in grieving very privately for the potential loss of ever carrying my own. That has been something I've desired, and I am not saying that God can't make that happen for me someday. But we are going into this with the idea that having our biological children is something we are giving up, and will just count it as pure joy and blessing if it does happen. I know that God is going to bless us for this sacrifice. Whether it is in this life, or not, I am confident that what we are doing is his will.

"What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." James 4

We are just here for a little while and while we are here, Brian and I want to follow our calling. We are so excited about the coming months and are already praying for our children that by faith, we know are out there right now. We are asking you to pray with us, for their safety, for a hedge of protection around them physically, emotionally and spiritually, for a swift and obstacle-free process, and their quick delivery into our home, their home.

I'm not sure how many people are still reading this blog, I've not been very faithful to it, and it seems like the blog-trend might be failing. But if there is someone out there that would like for me to continue sharing the ups and downs of this journey on here, please let me know. We want to share this process with everyone, because there are so many children out there that need homes. And if we could potentially help educate others who are on the fence about doing this very same thing, that would be awesome!

I've thought a lot about the words to the song I titled my blog after. It really has been kind of my anthem throughout this whole process and it still applies to what we're doing today.

Excerpt from Something Heavenly (Sanctus Real):
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

19 comments:

Kiera said...

I still check on yall!! I'm so glad to hear about the journey God is taking yall on. We will be praying for you and can't wait!

Cami Gilbert said...

I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am to know I will meet your children in just a few short months. I admire you for listening to God's calling and being willing to recieve his blessings. I am fervently praying for those sweet souls that will be in your family and join your family of friends. It's going to be great!

MomMom said...

I DO still follow your blog---please don't stop blogging and do keep us posted. Our first granddaughter is adopted and I can't begin to tell you the blessings our family has enjoyed through adoption. I can't imagine life without her. SO, enjoy this phase of your life and see what blessings God has in store for you.

Amy said...

Love that you guys are doing this! I'm adopted myself and my life has truly been a blessing. I will be praying for you guys!

April said...

I love reading about things going on in your life, since I haven't seen you or Brian in a while! I'm so excited for you, and you're definitely an inspiration to me. I hope that if I go through this situation later in life, I'll remember how faithful you stayed and to always put God's plan before my own. You and Brian are definitely in my prayers, and I can't wait to see what happens!

Elizabeth said...

I love reading your story and where God is leading you! God has those kids picked out for you and has always had them picked just for the two of you!!!

mhack said...

Thank you for sharing this with us! I am excited for you both and have started praying already for you and your family to be. Thank you for your sweet spirit and awesome attitude. Let us know if you need help in any way!

Rachel said...

wierd that I know NONE of the people who have commented so far!
So glad we got to play a part in your choice to do this! We pray for your kiddos every nite when we pray for ours. I'm so excited to raise our kids together! Like we planned to....sort of. :)

Foltermann said...

I haven't ever read your blog before but am so glad I did tonight. Who cares where the kids come from? They'll be yours and God's. God's ways are different from the plans we sometimes make ourselves, but, in the long run, His are the right ones for us. Congratulations!

Jody said...

I am so glad you decided to blog about your decision. I am so happy for you and Brian. I miss seeing you both so letting us know through this blog is the next best thing. I will be praying for your new family that is coming soon.

amy said...

Thank you guys for your love and support! We will definitely keep you updated with our journey. Brian and I are blessed to have so many people in our lives loving us and praying for us!!

Bill said...

Your mommy and I love you so very very much and are very very proud of you both! And whenever God is ready to give us THE BEST GRANDCHILDREN EVER, then we are ready too!

Penny said...

Amy - you always have been and always will be an amazingly strong woman. You are an inspiration to so many and I know that God is working through you to touch many, many lives. I love you lots and cannot wait to see what the future holds for you and Brian! Love, Penny

Anonymous said...

Dearest Friend, We know the trials that you have faced and the fears that are before you. Our journey is not too different from yours. My body failed many time until we sought out other avenues for a family; then J.J. came along. It is so wonderful to see you looking to Him for guidance. His plan is more than we can understand. We pray that His path is made bright for you. Love ya! Shelly

McCullough Family said...

So excited for you! My dad, Charley Belch, works with your dad and that is how I found out about your blog. I met you once when you were visiting South Fork (a few years ago atleast). I know we don't really "know" each other, but I am praying for you and your family! Hope you keep blogging!

Kristen Ballard said...

So excited for you and Brian and where this will take you. Thanks for sharing with everyone, I know it's personal but it's nice to have so many prayers going for you!!

Anonymous said...

Now I have two families to pray for concerning the children God is preparing for new homes. B and K are being considered for two groups right now. Each have 4, yes 4 siblings. One group is 1 boy age 7 and 3 girls, 5, 3, 2 and the other group is 1 girl age 5 and 3 boys ages 1,2,3. I am praying HARD that God is directing this process and will bring the right kids to them. I will do the same for you. It is very exciting and I will look forward to updates.
Marsha

Leilanni said...

Beautifully said, sweet girl. Your wisdom and maturity are way beyond your years. We will surely be praying and I look forward to following as much as you want to share on here!!

Anonymous said...

Still checking in on you. Jerry are so excited for you and Brian....not only for you,but for all those that you bless. The world needs you and those that you touch and influence. Our prayer is that you and Brian will have a HUGE family and continue to teach them well! We know He will honor that because you will bring Him Glory. Ann J.